You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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