hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
