I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
