I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
