Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
