Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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