i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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