Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Hippo gnu deer
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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