Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
