I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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