pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
