Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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