I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
