i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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