i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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