I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
