I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
