This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
