After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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