I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm always down for nudity.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
