Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
