just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
