Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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