Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
