Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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