"it" just moved
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
