I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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