so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
