I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
