I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
