Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
