You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
