Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Liz is crying about burritos again.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
