fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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