is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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