I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
