he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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