Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I have demons in me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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