we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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