the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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