thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
