Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
