so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
