lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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