You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
