Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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