if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I will die if light touches me.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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