I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
