Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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