Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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