I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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