just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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