I am spending my child support on dildos
i think i have two assholes
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
